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Reposted from The Globe and Mail

“Yes, Canada needs to get better control of its immigration system, but let’s not lose track of our rich tradition of helping refugees. Their entry doesn’t always need to be managed by government – grassroots groups can help, and their strong interest shows these refugees have support to integrate here.

While it’s true that Canada can’t help all people in need during this time of increased global displacement, surely we can maintain our commitments to help refugees. The privately sponsored program remains one of the best ways to do it.”

Read the full op-ed here: The Globe and Mail

Summary: This resource is adapted from Motivational Interviewing (Miller & Rollnick, 2013). It provides a tool to help you avoid conflict escalation and the buildup of resentment. This informational resource can be easily read individually. Introduction: As your sponsorship group and the newcomer family partner to set up ESL, search for employment, access resources etc., you might have to balance knowing much more about the options available to the individual or family and honouring the individual or family’s preferences. Balancing both in conversations can be challenging and lead to unintended conflict.

One way to prevent conflict from escalating is to routinely take the pulse of the conversation. Consider asking yourself the following question taken from Motivational Interviewing (Miller & Rollnick, 2013): Does the conversation feel more like dancing or wrestling? Another way to ask is; “Does it feel like we’re on the same team, or on opposing teams?”

It might seem obvious or simple, but regularly checking in with and responding to the dynamics of the conversation can help prevent resentment from building up.

In dancing, ‘one moves with rather than against the person.” Wrestling is “a process of overpowering and pinning an adversary.” (Miller & Rollnick, 2013, p. 15).

Example signs:

When it feels like dancing, you might notice:

• You’re trying hard to understand the other person’s point of view
• You’re asking questions before making up your mind
• You’re being honest about your concerns and stake in the issue and are acknowledging their concerns and stake in the issue
• You’re agreeing with each other
• Your posture is relaxed; you feel at ease

When it feels like wrestling (or being on opposing teams), you might notice:

• You’ve stopped listening to what the other person is saying and are instead preparing your next response
• You’re making assumptions about what the other person wants
• You’re judging the other person or their decision
• You feel very tied to and are pushing for a specific outcome
• You’re unwilling to entertain a different opinion
• Your jaw is clenched, shoulders raised/ you’re physically bracing for an argument

Practice: To develop the practice of taking the pulse of the conversation, take time to notice how it feels when you’re “dancing” and how it feels when you’re “wrestling” when trying to make a decision in your group or outside of it. Once you’ve identified those cues that indicate that you’re dancing or wrestling, look for them when you’re having conversations with the individual/family about ESL, jobs, etc.

What to do if the conversation feels more like wrestling

• Name it. Try to be honest and clear about your concerns. Mention what you’re noticing in the conversation and reinforce your desire to work together:
  For example: “I’m starting to feel like I’m pushing you toward this specific ESL class that you might not be as certain about. I want to make sure that the classes we’re helping you enroll in are the ones you want to attend. English classes are really important, and they’re something I committed to help you access, but I also care about doing what works best for you.
• Ask. Although it does not always yield accurate answers (because of the power differential), asking about the newcomer’s experience in the conversation can help. Using the example above, a simple question could be; “I’m worried I’m pushing you toward one class over another. Does it feel like that to you?”
• Take a break. Just like in any challenging conversation, taking a break can reduce intensity and provide an opportunity to redirect the conversation’s focus.
• Use other conflict management skills. Check out other trainings on engaging conflict productively, which are included in this section.

Description: This activity invites your group to experience different communication styles through an interactive game.

Instructions: Even if there are no linguistic barriers, clear communication can be complicated by differences in social and cultural etiquette, personal body language, past experiences, and more. To explore this phenomenon, have one member of the group pass out a Communication Style slip (included below) to each group member.

Style A

Follow these directions:

• Avoid eye contact when speaking
• Do not show any emotion or react when another group member is speaking
• Speak more softly than you normally would

Style B

Follow these directions:

• Sit or stand a few inches closer to the person next to you than usual
• Gesture often when speaking

Style C

Follow these directions:

• Speak louder than you normally would
• Frequently interrupt other group members when they are speaking
• Initiate conversation by asking a lot of questions (including fairly personal ones)

Style D

Follow these directions:

• Do not interrupt other group members when they are speaking
• Silently count to six before responding to another group member
• Do not initiate conversation or ask questions

1. Make sure to hand out a different Communication Style to each group member if possible.
2. Without sharing the instructions on their slip with the rest of the group, each member should review their Communication Style.
3. Once each group member has reviewed their instructions, begin a conversation. You may wish to choose a conversation topic beforehand, or a conversation topic may emerge naturally
4. When it seems like the conversation is dying down, ask a volunteer from Style A to read the instructions for their Communication Style out to the group.
5. When the volunteer from Style A has finished speaking, ask the group what they noticed about their reactions to the Style A type of communication. What did you find challenging? What did you notice about your reactions?
6. Repeat for each of the Communication Styles.
7. When everyone has had a chance to share, discuss how differences in communication styles can create challenges for effective support.

Summary: This exercise asks you to reflect on, and then discuss, your expectations of, goals for, and contributions to the group. It then outlines steps to create a contract.

Introduction: Every member brings different personalities, expectations and expertise to the sponsorship group. Past groups have mentioned that a group of 8-12 core members and a surrounding team of volunteers works well. Groups have also attested to the benefit of using a formal agreement to help divide responsibilities between core members and maintain a balanced workload throughout the year.

Instructions:

• Consider the following questions individually, then discuss as a group:
  • What would a successful sponsorship look like for you? What would you point to at Month 13 to know that, on the whole, the sponsorship had gone well?
  • How much time do you expect to commit? Would you like to be a point-person for the newcomers’ daily concerns?
• Take out or draw a copy of the Contract Table below. Working individually, fill out the table using the following steps.
• In the left-hand column entitled, Availability, write down what times you expect to be available throughout the sponsorship. Be as specific as possible. Daytime availability is especially important as many appointments occur during the daytime.
• In the next column, entitled Resources, write down what kind of resources you have that will be applicable to sponsorship. Ex. a van, connections to community groups.
• In the column labeled Skills, write down what kind of skills you would like to contribute and roles you would like to play. Examples include interpretation and language skills, driving, social media, public speaking, advocacy, volunteer coordination, budget tracking, activity organizing.
• Leave the responsibility section blank for when your group delineates responsibilities based on the balance of resources, availability, and skill sets which emerge.
• Once you have filled out the Contract Table individually, discuss it as a group.
• As a group, fill out the responsibility part of the tables. Certain skill sets will be utilized more frequently than others (e.g. interpretation, driving, appointment accompaniment) and will need to be assigned to more group members. Different cultural practices or religions might also affect who is able to fill each role. For example, in certain cultures, women cannot be accompanied (to appointments) by a man who is not a relative.
• Revisit your goals and expectations for a successful sponsorship. Does the agreement you’ve created enable you to achieve your goals? What additional support, if any, do you need to source before the newcomer(s) arrive. How and when will you evaluate your progress and needs throughout the 12-month period?

Summary: This resource offers 1) a set of questions you can ask to prevent burnout on an individual level and 2) a set of institutional conditions that help prevent burnout.

Individual actions questionnaire

• What tasks can you say no to?
• What can you drop off your plate?
• What life-giving physical activity can you do?
• What can you do to ensure you get enough sleep tonight?
• What nutritious and tasty food can you enjoy today?
• What restorative activities/ hobbies can you engage in today?
• What progress have you made in your sponsorship that you can celebrate?
• Can you plan for a day off soon?
• Can you access training and skills in areas of sponsorship you feel ill-equipped to address?
• Do I need to access professional help (see my doctor, find a therapist)?
• How can other group members support you right now?

Summary: This exercise walks you through the creation of a personalized burnout and restoration scale. The scale is a tool that can help you better notice and prevent significant stress and burnout in your sponsorship year. This exercise can be done as a group or individually. You will need to print off or draw the graduated scale below.

Directions:

• This exercise will ask you to imagine how it feels at each point on the scale, at green, yellow, and red. First, start at the red area, at the bottom of the scale. How might you recognize you’re at a red point (not doing well at all, at a 0 or 1 on a scale from 1-10)? What are the thoughts, emotions, and/or physical cues you experience at red? What habits or behaviours do you engage in? What might someone close to you notice about you when you’re at a red point ? Write these things down to the left of the scale in the red area in the box provided for you. If you run out of space, please feel free to write outside the box.
• Below the scale, try to brainstorm any activities or behaviours that would move you toward a yellow or green. It is possible, and even likely, that not all activities that restore you when you’re feeling okay are accessible to you when you’re at a red point. What would be restorative for you while at this point? Jot these things down in the box to the right of the scale.
• Next, jump up to the green area. How do you know you’re at a green point (feeling great, at a 9-10 on a scale from 1-10)? Are there any particular actions you do, or physical cues, emotions, or thoughts you experience? What might someone close to you notice about you? Jot down any of these thoughts, emotions, physical signs, and behaviors in the green area, to the left of the scale.
• To the right of the green part of the scale, mark down any activities and behaviors you engage in that help you maintain green. Another way to think about this is to ask yourself these questions: Which activities or habits, if I were unable to engage in them, would move me down the scale to yellow or red? Which activities, if interrupted or inaccessible to me, would impact my wellbeing? Jot them down.
• Finally, move to the yellow part of the scale. You might be wondering why this exercise asks you to move to yellow last. For some, it can be challenging to notice our ‘in between’ experiences, when we’re not feeling great, but we’re also not feeling terrible. One goal of this exercise is to better equip you to notice the ‘yellow’ signs and respond before you progress to a red. (You may also wish to add additional lines at other points of the scale.)
• Turning back to the yellow part of the scale; how do you know you’re at a yellow? What are the thoughts, emotions, and/or physical cues you experience at a yellow point? What habits or behaviours do you engage in? What might someone close to you notice? Write these things down to the left of the scale.
• Below the scale, try to brainstorm any activities or behaviours that would restore you to a yellow point. It’s possible, and even likely, that not all activities that maintain you at green will be accessible to you or helpful to you when you’re at a yellow point. What would be restorative for you at a yellow point? Jot these things down to the right of scale.

Reflect independently, or as a group, on the following questions:

• How was the experience of making the scale?
• What about the process was helpful?
• Were any restorative activities accessible to you at some but not all colour points?
• What about your scale was expected or unexpected?
• How might you use your scale in the sponsorship year?

Summary: This questionnaire is designed to help you self-assess your level of burnout. It does not replace the need for professional assessment or support.

Directions: Place a check beside any of the following symptoms you’re experiencing. If at the end of the questionnaire you find you’ve made many checkmarks, please consider additional support.

• I am constantly exhausted, tired, fatigued, or overwhelmed.
• I am becoming increasingly irritable. My fuse is getting shorter.
• I feel a sense of hopelessness, like “Why bother?” or “Who cares anyway?”
• I experience regular sleep disturbance; I feel like I never sleep enough.
• I am always sleepy and sleep as much as I can. I have trouble doing my daily activities.
• I have experienced a significant change in appetite, up or down.
• I feel unappreciated most of the time.
• I notice that I have become overly dogmatic, inflexible, or rigid.
• I worry I am losing a clear perspective on work or life.
• I feel I would let everyone down or let things fall through the cracks if I take a break.
• I have noticed myself becoming more cynical, pessimistic, or hyper-critical.
• I have difficulty making decisions or feel I am making poor decisions.
• I have spent less time with / am avoiding spending time with my friends and family.
• I have engaged less rather than more in activities that used to bring me pleasure.
• I have more trouble concentrating and/or my brain feels foggy.
• I feel I look after certain people impersonally, as if they are objects.
• I feel apathetic or bored.
• I have the impression that people often make me responsible for their problems.
• I feel like many tasks require a great deal of effort.
• I feel like no progress has been made, and I am unable to make progress.

Description: This exercise invites your group to explore traditions of significance and to connect across differences.

Introduction: One way to better understand how cultural and personal experiences shape behaviour is to turn inward, to explore our family and cultural traditions. By reflecting on and talking about these traditions, we notice things we do similarly and differently from others in our communities, and in turn make connections across diverse ways of experiencing and engaging in the world. Below are some prompts to spark dialogue. However your sponsorship group decides to address these questions, the goal is for every team member to feel included and heard.

• What are some birthday traditions in your family? Were birthdays important for your family when you were growing up?
• How and when does your family celebrate the New Year?
• What traditions do you have around new babies? How do you celebrate the coming of a new baby? How do you prepare for the birth/adoption?
• What was your favourite childhood food? If you wanted to serve a visitor a meal that would help them to understand your heritage, which meal would you serve?
• Does your name have any particular significance or meaning? Are there reasons why your parents chose your name?
• Where did you grow up? What relationships did you have with people from other ethnic, racial, class, sexual orientation, religious, backgrounds?
• What messages did you receive about people who are different from you when you were younger, and from what sources?
• Can you give an example of a time when you realized that the way your family does something is different from how other families do things?
• What does your birth order mean to you? Your family?
• What does your sex mean to you? Your family?